The Von Klum Letters: This Ain't No Holiday

Well...today was a brand new experience. If I was going into this with the approach that I was some kind of war corespondent....then today...I got my war. But before that...

Hangin' around, nothin' to do but frown...

I figured that I'd clear up a few things that were brought to my attention. How do I look the way that I do? How much control do you actually have here? Well...you start by picking your grandparents, which makes your parents and in turn makes you look the way that you do. This world, and only this world, allows you to chose your own family. Isn't that nice? Anyway...after you do that...you have attribute points which you have to put into things like - working out, hanging w/ friends and family, legal employment, illegal employment, time on the couch, etc. This really forms your 'look'...and your initial clothing choices...and your skill level in stamina, flying, driving, shooting, etc. You can change your clothes, glasses, hair style and facial hair throughout the game with more combinations than I can count. And yes, you have all of your weapons on you at all times. You can cycle through the 'weapon wheel' and decide what to actually carry. It's usually best to walk unarmed in busy areas (where there are no other 'opponents') since computer generated characters will react to you holding a weapon. They'll even call the cops on you. Then you can cycle through to that sawed off shotgun and make them pay for their nosiness. In the face.

Here is where the magic happens...

No ticky. No laundry.

Most of these are 'locked' until you move up in rank. This is why you should really watch who you might be starting a fight with. When your experience level is a 15 and the other guy's is 110...you're gonna have the gun that is all the way to the left, second one down. They're going to have the one all the way to the right, third one down. That's the difference between pushing some rounds into someone's kevlar...and being cut in half. Literally.

So I started my day with a leisurely trip out to the country. At random points in the game you will get a txt message on your smartphone informing you of a cargo drop somewhere on the map. These drops are highly sought after as they contain money, weapons and 'rep points'...or RP. I figured that I'd cruise around and explore in one of my faster cars and if and when I got the txt...I zip over and scoop up the loot. Or try to. When you get to the drop (marked with a red smoke flare) there are usually others after the drop as well...always computer generated adversaries...but often times...other players too. It can turn into quite the sh*tshow. You have to be quick about it. Taking out the bad guys is one thing...but dealing with them while you have Steve from Nashville creepin' up the road...that's no joke.

Prince Matchabelli

I snaked up a mountain road and came across a large lake. A couple of boats cruised along the calm waters. They were far away but I popped off a few rounds in their direction. Didn't seem to have an effect. Can't wait for that sniper rifle. By the way.

Ended up at a very large dam. I checked my map and there was no one around. I thought it might be a good time to take some 'landscapes' so I could balance the carnage with some peaceful moments.

Sunset Thomas

I knew that once I descended from this tranquil spot...all hell was gonna break loose. So I took my time...and took a selfie...

Lens flare. Dope.

I actually jumped off this thing and parachuted into the raveen. It was far less of a drop than I thought so as quick as I pulled the chute...as quick...I hit the ground. It turned into a far greater pain in the ass as I had to make my way downstream on foot, jack a car and drive back up the mountain to get my car. Lesson learned. But it made for a nice couple of photos. Worth it.

When I got down to the city I accepted a mission to repo a car in East Los Santos. Let me tell you about that wonderful place. Gangland. Pure and simple. So what that mean is if you're gonna pop off rounds, jack a car or repo someone's whip...you better be ready. As soon as you do...about 20 of these fools spring up and just unload on you. It's no joke. So you either need to sneak in, jack the ride and depend on your good driving skills or suss out the neighborhood/street and devise a good attack plan. Sometimes I go for column A...other times I go for column B. Depends on the layout of the street. If it's a nice and long with ample cover and I feel like embracing my inner Gary Cooper...I'll fight. Otherwise...it's a straight forward situation of...'nice car, I'll take it'.

The next day I was walking through downtown and heard some serious explosions. I checked my map and there were definitely some fools takin' it to each other a few blocks away. I figured that it was a clear cut case of grenade launchers and rockets...perhaps some sticky bombs and whatnot. Nope.

What the f*ck is that?

I think that's not one...but two...

RAT!!

Missed me by a foot. There were two of these idiots. In tanks. Now I couldn't make out if they were attacking each other...but they sure were laying waste to everything in their path. Including me. I was able to slip away...barely. But this was too good to pass up. So I gave chase!

No one here gets out alive.

This was the elevated level...above the level where I almost was made into a potato pancake. I should note this here - the reason that I was able to follow them and bang off these pics is that I switched to 'passive mode'. This option allows you to not get killed by normal means. You can still be run over or if you're in a car...you can be blown up. But while on foot...by and large they can't get ya. This mode is perfect for my journalistic endeavors since I'd never be able to get any of these shots. I'd be dead.

Heading into East Los Santos. Business as usual.

I'm thinking that these two were working together. The more I observed them...the more it seemed like they were working in tandem for a singular cause. Mayhem.

Better than bullfighting.

It took a while but the cops finally showed up...

Art.

As you can see from the lower right...they're sending in reinforcements. On foot.

Nope. Guess again.

Eventually the tank under the bridge bit the dust. Wasn't sure how they managed to take it out. The other tank was behind me so I spun around and caught one last picture of him rolling into the ghetto...

Exit stage left.

Once the dust settled...there was an eerie calm that came over the street. You could still hear the explosions off in the distance...and the sirens. But they grew fainter. All of the civilians had evacuated a long time ago. It was sort of like taking a drive on Christmas day...as close to a ghost town as you're ever gonna get. And since I had that Christmas feeling...I thought I might treat myself...

Yup.

The battle was so fierce out in the street that it cleared the club. And I mean cleared. I had the place all to myself...

They make me wish I had six hands.

Who's that over in in the far right of the frame? You guessed it...Nikki...

Smoke cigarette in the pushy.

I got a quick lap dance and was on my way. Something about being chased by tanks makes one not all that keen on sitting still. So I made my way into the night. And as if a freakin' tank battle wasn't enough...as I was heading back to my garage I found myself being followed. Let me key you in on something that I found to be very effective. At first, I'd try to outrun my opponent. But they'll eventually get close enough to put a bullet through the back window of your car and then through the back of your head. I've found that your greatest weapon is often your break pedal. A few days prior, I was being chased in the hills by some idiot in a modified dune-buggy. He was gaining on me due to the twist and turns...but at one point I found a straight away and gunned it. Right when he was at his closest point I hit my breaks and he went screaming by me...up and over the rooftops, tumbling away out of sight. I thought if this worked here...I might try it in the city as well. But with a little adjustment. Instead of just breaking...my technique is to get as much distance as possible and then full stop, get out of my car immediately...turn and draw my weapon. It's risky as you might take the full brunt of a vehicular impact. But if you can time it right...they'll never know what hit them...

Dead on arrival.

I decided to take a drive out into the country to end my evening. Perhaps a nice long drive away from these sh*theads would do me good. That is one of the really nice things about this game. When you've had enough of the violence, carnage and brutality...you can actually 'get away'...take a nice, long (and I mean long) drive to the beach or the mountains or the country. Get out of your car, stretch your legs. Take in some of the local color...

This guy.

And actually see some tranquil scenes...

Edward Hopper

It was what I needed. Quiet. Reflection. But as with all 'sessions'...I force myself to drive back to my garage. No matter where I am or how far away I may be. I took the West Highway (not really called that) and punched it. I arrived right after sunrise...

From the whites.

Yes, you can play golf too. I actually played tennis earlier that afternoon. My opponent wanted to play 3 sets. He lasted a game and a half. I later found him dead in an alley.

It wasn't me.

Thought that I might swing by the beach to see if I could run into that hottie in the black bikini. I didn't find her...but I'll leave you with a few things that I did see...