A Golden Land Of Opportunity And Adventure

At the request/suggestion of a dear friend and great writer...I'm here to regale you with stories from my great adventure in the world of Grand Theft Auto V.  It is incredible.  It's massive.  Just outrageous, all encompassing fun.  You can do just about anything.  Steal any type of vehicle - cars, trucks, bikes, bicycles, choppers, planes, jumbo jets.  The works.  The cars are especially fun as you can tweak them to your hearts content - engines modifications, suspension, braking, bulletproofing, etc.  I finished the main storyline in about 5 weeks.  And after that...I was wanting something more.  So I restarted it - now with the prior knowledge of having gone through it once...I'd be able to 'kill it'.  You see...there is a stock market attached so you can invest your money and then affect the markets by doing different story-related threads and general game world mayhem.  But what would that get me?  A sh*t ton of money...so I could purchase the 1 or 2 remaining properties that are out of reach when you only have 40 mil in the bank - the golf course and the highest end of three separate movie theaters.  Anyway...

As a wise man once said...'you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy'.

As I was saying...the stock market.  Well, they're actually two markets.  One is active from word go but the other is only activated once you plug your system into the web.  So I decided to do that with a little blue cord - took about 2 minutes.  So now both stock markets are up and running.  But that opened up a whole 'nother world.  You see...GTA now has an online mode where you can build a character from scratch and go through the game real time with 14 other opponents per game/session.  Talk about insanity.  It ends up being very similar to story mode but now you can build crews and build your empire from scratch.  It ends up being more realistic because you have to work much harder for loot and it doesn't accumulate like wildfire, as it has a tendency to do in 'story mode'.  I played for about a day and amassed about 27K.  I have my own personal car (insured w/ tracking).  Check out that handsome dude.  Hey Laurel, that's me!

I love these calm little moments before the storm.

Saving up green to buy a garage, I armed myself with a 9mm, an Uzi, a zip gun and a broken bottle.  For starters.  As you do more missions you unlock more weapons and stuff while your squirrel away cash and build 'rep'.  Speaking of rep...back to those 14 other idiots.  You see...lots of these d*cks out here just love to run around killing each other.  It gives new meaning to keeping one's head on the swivel.   Case in point...

This one was my fault.

I don't hunt people.  I actually avoid people.  When the game first starts you are teamed up with three other dudes and after our initial mission one of my 'crew' shot me in the back.  I learned quick.  Anyway...I finished a mission where I had to blast some gangstas and steal some coke.  Once I iced those dudes (usually these are 4 player missions but after I did that a few times and got put into cars with epileptic drivers I said 'no more') I brought the drugs back to the ghetto and gave them to some other gangsta who gave me 2K and some street cred.  And as I go onto my smartphone (yup, you have those too) to bank my loot, this fool rolls up and beats me to death.  I end up respawning.  But I caught who killed me...I caught their name.  So I scroll through the names of people playing and yup, he's still playing and in a clothing shop a few blocks away.  So...I track his ass down, jump back in my car (which he stole), back up down the street and wait.  La la la he comes skipping' out of the clothing store...and...foot + gas pedal = high speed death.  It was all so rewarding.  He rolled up over my car and was dead before he hit the pavement.  Revenge is sweet.

I'm going to get those digits.

So I continued after this guy...cause once wasn't enough.  Ended up going after someone else by mistake and they killed me 4 times.  I think my initial numbers were such...killed:1, been killed:8.  My weapons aren't nearly diesel enough for close P vs. P combat...need to unlock some other things...assault rifle comes to mind.  But until then...I am one hell of a driver!!

In running through this world...I can't help but see myself as some sort of war corespondent.  Like a photojournalist to the depraved.  Allowing myself, of course, a bit of the 'ol in-out-in-out from time to time.  All work and no play...

Lemme get 10 beers!!

Got into a massive street war shortly after I landed.  What a dick.  He killed me almost 10 times and wouldn't let it go.  I ended up leaving the session and respawning into a whole new game with totally different opponents.  It got me thinking.  You really have to watch other people here.  And it's almost to the point where if you see someone coming...you better start firing cause they're more than likely gunning for you.  And it makes you wonder...if there were no rules in the real world...would it mirror the violence and carnage of this faux one?  Probably.  Also...there are tons of money/cred earning missions where you can work with others and these guys just run around wacking each other.  Ugly.  I headed up a mission up to the hills (aka rich neighborhood) to steal a couple of cars and brought two crew members with me.  Well...on our way up there they started shooting out the windows and by the time we got to this dude's mansion to steal the cars...we had a two star wanted level which blew the mission.  No wonder I prefer to do them alone.

Getting out of the city has it's rewards.  

Got to 70K relatively quickly and bought a garage in a sh*tty part of town.  But it's a stones throw from a mod shop and a gun store and that's really convenient.  You can purchase garages in 2, 6 and 10 capacity.  No point in getting the 2.  So I saved up and got the 6.  It's nice to have a sanctuary/hideaway.  And it's in such a crappy area that there's not a lot of 'traffic' around.  Unlike other parts of the city.  Plus it's really nice to have those two stores so close.  Those are the ones that you need.  All of the time. 

Picture me rollin'!

Stole a car down by the docks and the owner put a bounty on my head.  3K.  And they came swarming.  I avoided them for a while due to my driving skills but eventually I clipped a car and got shot in the back of the head...while driving.  But I was able to save this stolen car in my garage as a big 'f*ck you' to the owner.  A day or so later I 'borrowed' someone else's car.  It seems like they had extra cash lying around the house.  This time the bounty was set at 7K.  But I dipped into my garage right before he caught me.  He hawked me, driving around the block a few times before parking outside the door.  So I walked out...

Just like you Captain, I'm collectin' me a souvenir.

That was particularly wonderful.  Not his fault.  There was potentially 7K on the line.  Now he's immortalized.  And dead.  A few minutes later I set his car on fire...

Not one to start a fight...

That brought some cops.  Unfortunate.  Shortly thereafter I was invited to a party in the apartment of one of the more experienced and deadly players that I've encountered.  I naturally accepted.  When she met me at the door I was shocked to see 7 or 8 players up in her crib...all drinking and cavorting with one another.  And when I say 'she'...

Gender neutrality.  Violent singularity.

...I mean 'he'.  Anyway...she was cool.  I had a drink or two.  Then the doorbell rang.  Our host walked to the door and brought in our 'entertainment'...

I can't for the life of me remember her name.  Gee whiz.

Not only was she a good and generous host...she also supervised the proceedings...very closely.

Touching encouraged.  Or else.

This world offers many ways for the vane and self-absorbed to love up on...well, you.  Ahh...the selfie.  I took this opportunity to photograph myself in front of one of the more picturesque windows overlooking the city...

Burn, Vinewood, burn! (sign above my right shoulder)

The stripper, ah...I mean dancer, got bored and left.  I took that as my cue as well.  When I got to street level there was a bit of a turf war going on that had drawn the ire of the local police force.  I guess that I should explain this as well.  To the already initiated...sorry for the overlap.  Police involvement works on a 5 star system.  One star and you're being pursued...but it's easily avoidable.  Two stars and they're starting to close in.  They're also kind of pissed at this point.  But they're easily evaded with some solid driving skills...or hiding out like E.T. in Elliot's backyard.  Three stars brings out the air support.  At this point you need a fast car or somewhere to duck under - train tunnels seem to work best.  Four stars and in comes the S.W.A.T. team, shooting you in the face...roadblocks, men descending from helicopters, swarming like angry hornets.  And five stars (haven't hit this level...yet) brings out the army.  And yes, you guessed it...a tank.  Ouch.  Most fights you'll want to avoid.  Or take the opportunity to steal cool stuff when the cops are duking it out with agro-pubescents from Idaho.

This did not fit in my garage.

Teased and intrigued by my host's 'entertainment', I decided to take a trip over to the strip club and take a look for myself as to the debauchery lying in wait.  Lap dances, gettin' drunk and 'making it rain' are some of the better ways to pass the time.  I like the strip club.  Kind of like real life.  Although I don't find myself in them nearly enough.  Perhaps I can rectify that here.  Where I won't catch crabs and get jumped in the parking lot.  As if I'd have any money left when I stumble back to my car...

Love at first sight.

That's Nikki.  I paid her some money for a lap dance.  And since the bouncer didn't seem to be working that day...I put my romanticles all over her.  Got her number.  Solid.  We'll be seeing more of Nikki.  Also made friends with the bartender.  In this world...I can go back to my bad old ways...

Make that a triple.

She said that she'd start me a tab.  I told her that I had no intention of ever paying them back.  In fact, I told her that I would be drinking for free from here on out...lest I burn the place to the ground.  Which I might do anyway.

(Side Note: many times I will be quoting...from films, music and popular culture to punctuate my photographs.  There will be too many to notate/cite.  If that is a problem for you I will 'come clean' about anything that I borrow.  Not once.  Not never.)

After the club I took a leisurely drive back to my garage.  Saw some seriously awesome architecture.  Might do a day or two covering some of San Andreas' better examples of 'buildings as art'.  Here's a particularly nice example...

Like anyone goes here.

Thoughts of Nikki filled my mind and the smell of cheap booze and cigarettes filled my car as I cruised back to my garage.  I swung by the beach and took in the afternoon air.  Was considering some ink when I ran into this...outside of the tattoo parlor...

Yes...I am here on assignment.

Unfortunately when I tried to get a bit too close she walked away in a huff.  Perhaps she could tell that I was pooped from an afternoon of titties in my face and too much whisky...

Was it something I said?

Took in a few more sights and sounds before I worked my way back to my garage.  It's been a long day.  Or a week.  Can't tell.  But what is great is that you actually can tell here.  Morning light looks and feels like morning light.  Afternoons feel like afternoons.  The sun sets and rises.  Beautiful skies.  Especially out in the desert.  And that's where they dig them holes...